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Double Take

DoubleTake: Husband Wants To Be 'Just Friends'

Third Marriage Hits Crisis At 6½ Years

POSTED: 6:02 am PST February 26, 2008

    Dear DoubleTake,

    What would you say about a man who is married for the third time and, at the 6½-year mark into that marriage, decides he wants to be "just friends" with his wife?

EDDIE SAYS:

I would say that he wants a graceful way to end things. He might have his eye on someone else (or something else on her), he might just be re-evaluating his life or he just might not have the capacity or committment to stay with someone for the long haul.

You can attempt a period of trying to get back to how things were at the beginning, but if he reached the point where he could tell you it was over, he was probably thinking about it for a while and has made a firm decision.

If you think he's worth fighting for, try it for a while. Just know that you will have to climb a hill to get him to consider the idea.

BETTY SAYS:

If your husband decides he wants to be "just friends," it's time to let him go find his fourth wife. Maybe he should try common-law marriage next time.

Only your husband knows why his first two marriages failed. If he is indeed directly responsible for the past failures by being a master of relationship sabotage, he needs to take some time to heal the hurt that's been keeping his love life in the ditch all these years. In other words, he needs to attend therapy to find out what the problem is.

Unless you're OK with waiting another 6½ years for him to come around, I'd say leave with dignity and -- yes -- try to stay friends.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.

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